No Matter The Situation, I Am Still Blessed!

There has been some very serious turmoil going on in my life lately. I have been under such stress that I believe it was effecting my health. My neck was always stiff, my hands would go to sleep, my headaches were going almost none stop and I always felt such fatigue. I know I shared with you guys about my hands before and the doctor putting me on some medication but he couldn't find a reason for the problem. Well I think it was stress!!

I was out on the patio early this morning with Lucy and was thinking of how pleasurable the air felt. It was only about 70 degrees which right now almost feels chilly due to our highs being over 100. I sat on the patio just thinking of how glorious the sky looked and let the gentle breeze soothe me. I know it might be hard to believe but I am a thinker. I am constantly thinking about things, most people would feel it is a random thinking process but I can always trace my thought patterns back to each other. I have even tried to explain it a few times when someone would ask "what brought that up" only to see that dazed and confused look on the person's face.Oh but anyway, I was thinking of what a blessing the cool morning was and then it lead to me thinking about how blessed I am.

I will not go into details, but my stress came to a head on Sunday night. It's a rough thing deciding when enough is enough, especially when you have prayed and prayed and want to continue to have hope. But there comes a time in some situations where we have to say 'THIS IS ENOUGH'. And it had come that time for me. In the aftermath of the situation I was able to talk to two of my friends who were so supportive of my decisions and actions. In the following days I have heard from other friends and some family members and they all let me know that I had done everything I could do and that I was given little choice but to make the decision I did. While my decisions still concerns me I am so lucky to have a wonderful support group of family members and friends who know what I have experienced the last few years, know the problems I have had and are behind my decision 100 percent.

I have said many times that I am not a religious person, I see religion in the same way I see politics...everyone has a reason for their beliefs and choices but they shouldn't try to tell others they are wrong for what the believe or choose, I am however a highly spiritual person. I don't think I pray as much as I talk to God, which is daily, several times a day and some days it's almost constantly. One of the hard things to do is to pray and wait for an answer to our prayers only for the answer not to be what we are looking for and then trying to bargain for the answer we WANT. Sometimes God has to smack me right in the face for me to accept His answer, and at times that smack is felt deep into the core of my soul, as was the smack on Sunday night. To tell ya the truth it was almost like hearing, but I guess more of a feeling of "Okay girl, you have done enough, you have tolerated enough, you have prayed and now I am answering. You aren't going to like My answer but it is what has to happen. Now you go rest....I GOT THIS!" It is the only explanation I can give for me being able to hold myself together as well as I did.

I have accepted there is no more I can do and that I am done. I am done because I know God will have to handle it from here. Instead of being egotistical and keep thinking "I can fix this" I am being humbled and saying "Thanks God! Thank You for taking over. Thank You for blessing me with Your love and wisdom and teaching me I am only human. I leave it in Your hands now and I will rest". Since doing this I have not had one headache, my hands are not going numb on me, my neck isn't hurting and even the cracking I hear when I move it is minimal and I have felt more energized than I have in months. I will stay out of the way and just let God do His work.

 God has blessed me not only with His love, but the love of so many others in my life that are always there for me when I feel I am the most alone. So yes...no matter the situation I face I do realized I am still blessed!